Recently sacked from King's Lynn Town FC by chairman and catering manager Doris Loony for being irretrievably hopeless, "Worthy" clearly meets the requirements of being unsuccessful that the Hillsborough job demands. A former player, Gary talks slowly and monotonously, which indicates a high degree of tactical awareness. Has already described the club as "massive" in interviews 768 times, making him the early favourite.
Gary "No Use" Meggo
Having brought the once-proud name of Nottingham Park Wardens FC to its lowest ebb, by taking the former European champions to the glorious position of nearly bottom of Division Three, Meggo has the key qualification for the position. Another former player, he is known for waving his arms around vigourously and shouting a lot, which indicates a high degree of passion. Has the words "Sheffield Wednesday are Massive" tattooed across his back, making him a very likely candidate.
David "Pug" O'peless
Pug is best known for assembling a team at West Yorkshire Big Club FC as expensive as it was rubbish, thus simultaneously taking that club towards relegation and bankruptcy, from which it has never recovered. His track record, therefore, makes him impossible to ignore as a candidate, although he neither played for the Owls nor is there any evidence that he regards them as that massive at all.
Alan "Curbs" Enthusiasm
Many fans interpreted "Curbs" desire to leave established Premiership side Charlton Athletic FC for "a really big, massive club capable of competing in Europe" as a come-and-get-me-plea to the board at Sheffield Wednesday. Unforturnately, it appears that Curbs may believe that such teams as Real Madrid, Barcelona, Liverpool, Tottenham, Manchester United and Sligo Rangers are more impressive clubs than the Hillsborough outfit. This fact, together with the fact that he's quite good as a manager, effectively rule him out.
Joe Moronho
Arrogant, self-important, over-inflated sense of own worth. All the characteristics are there, but likely to consider Chelsea Wannabe Global Worldwide Brand TM FC to be a bigger club and therefore probably unlikely to get the nod.
Paul "I'm saying" Sturrock
Decent, hard-working manager, with a track record of getting the best out of average players and working within a moderate budget. Single-handedly transformed the fortunes of Plymouth Argyle FC after a successful spell in management in Scotland. The first manager in a decade to achieve a promotion at Hillsborough, followed by a season of consolidation in the Championship with a squad which, on the face of it, was not up to the standard of the division. Apparently happy to work within the constraints of the budget and the pressures of expectation at Hillsborough. Genuine affection for the club and its supporters. Thought very unlikely to be considered.