This new way of disposing of clapped out old bangers (sorry Rich) coupled with the recent sale of the club fiasco set me to thinking how our wonderful Chairman might dispose of his "coffin-dodgers express". I think it would go something like this:-
1. You don't actually advertise it for sale. You just answer yes when asked if it is for sale.
2. You announce that it's for sale only to those who are members of the "coffin-dodgers express" fan club. Drivers of other types of car need not apply no matter how much cash they've got.
3. You don't actually say how much it costs. When pushed to name a price you add a price tag that has fallen off a Jaguar XJS with diamond studded steering wheel and hand crafted leather seats.
4. When you get somebody crazy enough to buy the old banger you immediately start to mess about your prospective purchaser.
5. Once the new purchaser has spent a lot of cash on getting an AA inspection & engineers report you tell him that the price does not include the steering wheel and petrol tank. These you tell him have to be bought separately from your son.
6. If the prospective purchaser hasn't given up by this stage you play your trump card and go on holiday. To make things doubly difficult you also make sure that your own mechanic goes on holiday at the same time.
7. When you get back from your holiday and find to your horror that the new purchaser is still there, you try to up the price tag to one that's fallen off a Ferrari F1 racer.
8. To justify the price tag on the overpriced banger you get a few mates around to look it over and to make admiring noises like "oooh" and "ahhh, ain't it nice". You obviously make sure that your prospective mug purchaser is listening at the time so the silly burger thinks that you might sell it to somebody else.
9. If then you still have your buyer and nothing seems to put him off you play the joker. Telling him that because he's making you look like a con man that he's now got to deal via your son.
10. Then to your great annoyance you find out that your new buyer has great plans to customise and re-spray your old car. To make things worse he also wants to employ a chauffeur and a team of top class mechanics to maintain and polish it. Obviously you realise that this is going to make you look a prat so you really pig-off your buyer by making sure that your son goes on holiday and you announce that the buyer never had the cash in the first place.
11. When the new buyer eventually gives up the ghost you then have this moment of dawning when you realise that you haven't got the Ferrari F1 or the Jaguar XJS. All you've got is a pile of scrap sat on the drive. So to keep the neighbours happy you buy two fluffy dice and a go-faster stripe from two scrapyards in Middlesborough and
So it's situation normal, you've still got the old banger, the "coffin-dodgers express" fan club is happy (for the moment) and your prospective purchaser goes away.
But, hey, you're a scrapman, so half way through the year you sell the cars engine and exhaust to a buyer in
Keep the Faith (even though it's hard)
UTM
Grist To The Mill